rubah | Jun. 23rd, 2003

I was trying to get snowyday all straightened out (idgits better cancel that.. might have a hard time getting dad to believe an extra credit card charge *isn't* my fault.. strictly speaking..) and suddenly, I felt sad.

I'd started thinking about the old sites I used to know and love in the HP fandom, I bet most of you remember them too. Alohomora.com, "the best hp fanfic" kellilla.com/astrodom, the golden toad awards, you know.. all those that came and went.. Riddle.nu, alternity... I remember a geocities page, and somewhere from there I found, oh geeze, I know who this is, I'm pretty sure she's on LJ with a name that starts with like an n.. draws the tarot cards -_- meh... anyways.. I remember a site called the pensieve that had some indepth stuff.. I remember finding expage.com/padfootspage.. the somewhat fore-runner of MH... Then there's fanfiction.net, which most of you have deserted..

But what I want to know is, what happened to the *people*? The people you felt you could know through what they published online? When did I leave and miss everything? I don't get that;_;

Is there *anything* still out there? I know three years isn't a long time to be in the fandom, in *this* fandom, but geeze, are we that fickle? Is there no hope left? -_-

Sorry.. I'll shut up now.

Eh... for some reason yesterday (it's not monday until I wake up during it.) I kept getting the impression that I was completely useless as far as our team was concerned. Not a single thing did/could I do in center field, and I managed to get two of the three outs our first time at bat. Although I *did* hit the ball the second time, what was a promising line-drive until the pitcher opened her glove and caught it, I struck out the first time... I hate getting outs. Absolutely *HATE* it. I guess it'll be good that I probably won't have a place to play next year unless I feel brave enough to chance the school team..

Anyways, by the third inning last night, I couldn't tell if I wanted our team to win or loose. To win meant revenge against the only league team that had beaten us, but to loose meant that I'd be *DONE* with softball, finally. That I wouldn't have a game today at 10:30 right during church.

I sorta decided eventually that I'd let the team decide, and shut up yelling.

Now, even in center field, I'd like to think that I'm the backbone of most of the yelling that goes on when the other team bats. Lazy infielders;P Anyways.. I was crying then and my voice was starting to go hoarse from a yell/sinus combination.

Well, the last inning, the person right before me had been the last one out. So now I had to bat *first* Everyone kept trying to talk to me, I just kept thinking to myself 'shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...' as I waited for the pitcher to warm up. Went up to bat, and decided not to swing at the first one, it was sorta low.

Freakin' ump called it a strike. Predictable isn't it?

That got me mad. So I whacked the next one, I dunno where it went, I was sorta occupied on watching the white chalk line and making my legs run faster than they'd refused to all weekend. I managed to get to first base okay, not too out of breath. Then the next person up hit it, and got out. I was at second by then, and found it increasingly hard to breathe. The *next* person up hit it, and got on first, so by now I was on third. Breathing was a definate problem by this time, and only got worse when I kept trying to pretend to steal home with the pitcher and backcatcher.

Now, this final batter (ha, yes.) had a full count on her. three balls and two strikes. Now, the next pitch was a strike, and she hadn't swung, *BUT* the backcatcher droppd the ball.

Fun. You can steal first on those.

For some reason, I thought she had gotten the fourth ball and was walking, and the backcatcher throwing the ball to first only made a slight alarm go off in my head. Suddenly, my coach was yelling at me, and I realized that she had gotten out, but I
*COULD. HAVE. BEEN. AT. HOME. BY. THEN.*

So I make an attempt to get home, because the back-catcher dropped the ball *again* about ten foot in front of the plate. she quickly picks it up, and starts to chase me down. I scramble to get back to the safety of third, but my feet slide out from under me, supported only by my hand.

Needless to say, she caught me a few seconds later, getting the third out -_-

I don't know what was wrong with me.. I just didn't concentrate I guess... But what I *was* concentrating on, I have no idea.

I'm not done, however.

After this, I manage to get up, and find that I can't breathe without starting coughing because of the aforementioned sinuses. My eyes start watering, and because I break out into silent unstoppable tears at any thing at school, people absent mindedly tell me stuff like 'it's okay' and crap. I manage to tell kaytie that I can't hardly breathe, and she continues saying it. Later though, when one of our coaches says something, she tells him

ah geeze, my throat hurts just thinking about it again

*reaches for megan's towel*

meh -_-

It's too late. I should go to bed -_-

Heh, but amy just msged me saying SOAD was playing on 100.3 (the edge) and I run to mom's ancient hi-fi and turn it quickly to FM. They weren't. She was like 'wtf? they're playing chop suey' and I was like 'uh, it's *NOT* soad, it's some guy screaming 'don't turn your back on me''

She'd got the wrong station:P It was 103.7. Which is playing some other song I dunno. She said that, so I jumped up again to change the station, but dislexically changed it to 107.3 and was like 'dude, that's *COUNTRY*'