(no subject)

Man, for having such an excellent morning, I was sure miserable at school today:O

I got really good grades on three tests that I had been worrying about-- 103 in chem, 98 in french and english (yes, now my french grade won't be a 90 anymore xD)

we didn't go out to march today-- we practiced pep band music and Victim of Love inside ^_^ I was really hoping for that. I had a mini-nap under one of the chairs lying in the floor too xD

in american history, we took notes and I got some harecord doodling done and reread part of the third act of The Crucible (you know, in french and english both, we use of/de a lot xD "part of" "act of" hurrah prepositional phrases) I hope I don't get another ~80 on the quiz tomorrow:( I'm getting tired of those. maybe I won't miss any xD (-4 on the act I one, -2 on act II)

Actually, the reason I was so miserable and continually crying up until fifth hour was because of our African Food Day in french class. I thought we were going to make the stuff during class, so I just brought the stuff to school-.- then mrs. cioppa came to chem before the second bell rang and asked why it wasn't already made.

I don't know. I guess I'm a pansy or something, but that just about CRUSHED me. I can't blame it on any chemical imbalances for another couple of weeks-.- so I guess I just can't stand to be reprimanded.

I suppose my egotism has ascended to such a height that I cannot bear to be told that I am *wrong* anymore. -_- I was seriously on the verge of crying all morning; my throat hurt from keeping from bawling xD

It's not just school either. well, this might be because I want to make a good impression on the other staff (especially del murder and leeza) but when it seems that I might've made a bad call on something, I get the same exact urge to curl up into a little ball. Thankfully that hasn't happened too often xD

But I have noticed something. It seems that these days I am more apt to bite my lip and go through the steps to make it better. Like admitting in staff forum that I probably did that wrong (as contrary to my instinct to hide and hope to be overlooked), or going straight to the home ec room at coke break and asking to use her room at lunch (Then at lunch she came in and was like 'Now who is hiding in the kitchen' and instead of freezing up and letting her find me, I was like "um, it's me, you said I could use your kitchens". Apparently I'm also growing a spine)

It's just like for some reason, not doing anything and just hoping someone else will fix it isn't always the decision I make anymore.

Maybe I'm managing to learn responsibility somewhere in here.

(no subject)

There's a spider spinning a web out on the side porch. I was going to go outside and kill it and destroy the web, but then I realized something.

She's doing a beautiful work of intricate art. Is that much different from that I've spent all afternoon doing? Except instead of using eight legs with various hairs to position a silky excrement in a pattern, I just use eight fingers and a metal hook to position yarn in a pattern.

We're really quite similar, after all. And I think she's just a wolf spider anyways, big and ugly, but hopefully she'll eat mosquitos.