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The Festivus Post
Alas , it is upon us.
Christmas day.
My fourteen year-old brother gets so excited about christmas he makes himself sick. It's insane. I told him that this year he couldn't wake me up until after eight-forty-five. I need my sleep , you know.
Christmas also brings the never-ending stream of relatives. Don't get me wrong , I LOVE my family , and I'm very glad that everyone is happy and healthy and all that good stuff...but holy shit.
I cannot be related to these people! I simply CANNOT.
My grandmother on my mom's side , bless her heart , is a maniac. And a clean freak. Oh my god.
When she is here I feel like I can't even LIVE. Everything I put down she is rearranging and moving around and it gets to the point where she is practically suffocating me. She also tells me the same things like fourteen times (She'll say "Did I tell you that Jennifer is pregnant?" and then even if you say yes , she'll tell the whole story again).
My mom's dad is just....oh god.
He tells corny jokes CONSTANTLY. I mean CONSTANTLY. And when he's not doing that he's arguing about politics/controversial matters. I don't know really , my mom's parents are really great and stuff but I can't handle it for prolonged periods because they are always RIGHT THERE! IN YOUR FACE! And I love them and all but I'm sixteen and I need a little space and privacy of my own , y'know?
My grandfather likes computers and him and my dad are always messing with them and he wanted to come up and look at mine.
Thing is , he didn't ask if he could.
I don't have anything really scandalous or anything , but I leave my messanger on and the last thing I need is him talking to my friends or my friends talking to him thinking it's me. I also write a lot (fiction) and I love doing it but most of it is stuff I don't want people to read (ESPECIALLY parents/grandparents) just because there is swearing or sex or whatever and just generally stuff they won't approve of.
It stresses me out because ever since I was little I was always "the perfect child". Good grades , nice friends , sweet , kind , "All-American Girl" kind of thing. See , then I got a bit older and formed these magical things called OPINIONS. Them there things are DANGEROUS. And besides that , my friends are into a lot of stuff my parents and everybody else doesn't know about , and even if I don't do it , it's still a part of my life and they wouldn't approve even if they knew my friends did it.
I don't want to get killed/disowned/rejected/yelled at , etc , so I just kinda sit around and be quiet most of the time because my grandparents are like pressure machines.
"You should be a model!"
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"You know, nobody will marry a girl who doesn't know how to [insert household duty here]"
I just keep my mouth shut because if I said what was in my head they would slaughter me. They are so old fashioned. They think I am the antichrist because I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
How terrible.
My dad's parents aren't so bad. They're a lot more open (and give us a lot more space). I still don't ramble on about my own thoughts in their conversations because they're much stricter with what they do believe in , and they're kinda mean.
I see a lot of myself in my dad's dad , which is weird because nobody else would say that. He doesn't say much either during family gatherings because I think he doesn't want to offend anyone.
I hate not saying anything and getting involved , but they are my family and I have to live with them for the rest of my life (or , well , the rest of theirs) and I'd really rather not get in a huge feud about my opinions because they're still all under the firm belief that I'm that goody-good sweet little girl I was when I was six.
So maybe that makes me a bit of a wuss , or a lot of one. But that's me. Someday I might just lose it and go psycho. I almost did when my grandfather was poking around on my computer.
It's practically a diary. That is MY stuff. My writing , my friends , my e-mails , and I mean , he just barges in and starts looking around for stuff.
My grandmother pokes around my room too. Looking in drawers for stuff. When I was fourteen I pretty much said "Look , you old crazy woman , stay out of my room and quit messing around with my stuff!!" I like my privacy. I like being able to write stuff or draw stuff or whatever and be able to have faith that people who aren't supposed to see it , don't see it!
But yeaaah...it was a good Christmas anyway!
I hope everyone else had a very happy holiday , whatever you may(or may not) be celebrating.
-Meekah
PS- LJ-Cut for the 2004 Survey.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?I went to Alberta , I had a bunch of job interviews , I fought with a whole ton of people...I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time on Jan. 1 , 2004!
2. Did you keep your New Year resolution and will you make more for next year? I never make any.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year!
4. Did anyone close to you die?No , but some distant (distant) relatives did. A few classmates had parents die.
5. What countries did you visit? The U.S.A. I'd really love to go to France someday/
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Honestly , I'd love to have a better grasp on myself (as a person) , the guts to just permanently ditch the people who are making me miserable , the motivation to join a gym/whatever.
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory and why? ummm....no actual DATES in particular , really.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Oh god , I don't know. Acedemically , handing in something I wrote and actually getting good comments/criticism on it that I can use. Otherwise...probably finding the guts to tell someone how much I disliked them in a very straightforward , harsh , unsugarcoated way.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not having the strength to assert myself when I really felt like I needed to. Not saying what I really mean , not helping my friends when they needed me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious...a dog dragged me into a sign , and I fainted during a biology lab.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Nothing really stands out as anything that merits mention.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Brother Cube. He knows who he is. I honestly don't know what to say other than sometimes I just don't know what I would do without him. I mean he's been there and listened through every bit of the insignificant drama shit that's been going on and he asks me the hard questions that I know I need to answer , even if we both know it hurts to know the truth. Sometimes his advice just gave me the strength and support I needed to do my thing , and sometimes he pointed out a different way to handle something I never would have thought of. So for being there and actually UNDERSTANDING , listening and caring through every minute of my stupid , insignificant whining...celebrate!
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Some of my friends , or ex-friends. People I thought I knew and could trust. People who lied. People who use me and make me feel miserable. People who treat you like shit , but then pull a guilt trip when they know you're going to blow. The girl who I cut out of my life (finally , the best thing I did all year) but still is hanging in there because some of my other friends let her use them. The guy who is just SUPER over-dramatic and is using me and lying to me all the time and acting like I am an idiot , but for some stupid , unknown reasons , I care way too much to be bitchy and heartless and mean to him , even though he deserves it. Also , my good friends who I still love and care for , but are doing really stupid , stupid things and make me wonder whether or not I REALLY know them.
14. Where did most of your money go? Blank CDs , Broadway Cast Albums from Amazon.Ca , and Tim Hortons.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Rocky Horror Picture Show , Hedwig and the Angry Inch , Calgary Stampede , getting my G1 , and writing.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2004?
Save a Horse , Ride a Cowboy
Rocky Horror Soundtrack
Hedwig Soundtrack
Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
Anything by Jeff Buckley
Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Sadder. But not really sad. More confused.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner , but not by much.
iii. Richer or poorer? Probably the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Sticking up for myself , Horseback riding , spending time with people that actually matter , being more spontaneous , meeting new people , exercise , my homework , and healthier eating.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying , procrastinating , wasting time on the "what-if's" , self-doubting , sitting on my ass , and being a wuss/idiot.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family. .
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? I wish. I'm a huge sucker for romance and all that but I'm eternally single. Well , up until this point. Can't say for the future.
23. How many one-night stands? HAHAHAHAHA. None. Duh.
24. What was your favourite TV program? Queer Eye , Survivor , Sex and the City , ReGenesis , CSI.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I can't say HATE , because that's probably too strong , I mean , at times I HATE , but I generally just dislike. But I guess you could say I do.
26. What was the best book you read? Tons. The Bell Jar , A bunch of funny cutesey teen ones , The Horse Whisperer.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Jeff Buckley , Megan Slankard , Rufus Wainwright , A bunch of soundtracks , and a slew and a half of amazingly talented broadway and theater people.
28. What did you want and get? To go to Calgary Stampede , Saw RHPS at Stage West while we were there!
29. What did you want and not get? A Cowboy romance , a good grip on myself , to be home on halloween.
30. What was your favourite film of this year? Spongebob Squarepants , HP3 , Shrek 2 , CAMP...A bunch of movies that came out before that I hadn't seen until this year (Moulin Rouge , Chicago , Bridget Jones , The Count of Monte Cristo)
31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Turned sixteen , had a bunch of friends over for one of those murder mystery things , sucked the helium out of balloons...good times.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being more comfortable with myself and who I am with. It seems like everyone else is finding themselves , and I am losing me. Scary!
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Jeans , T-shirts and hoodies. A few attempts at being "stylish".
34. What kept you sane? Brother Cube , Writing , Music , Finding distractions in other things.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Oh man!
-Johnny Depp
-Jim Caviezel (sp?)
-Alexandre Despatie
-Hugh Grant
-Raul Esparza
-Cheyenne Jackson
-Hugh Jackman
-The Queer Eye Guys
(I'll stop. But I could go on)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay Marriage.
37. Who did you miss? Nobody.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Mike (both of them) , Ben , Meaghan , All the camp people , Shelley , Jeremy and Tyler (Who I've known forvever , but it's like a re-introduction) , and definately the Stampede Cowboy.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Screw Everyone Else. This is my life and sometimes you have to do what's right for you. Nobody deserves to lie around being miserable because of someone else. Also , Lead By Example.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Another ditch in the road , you keep moving , another stop sign , keep moving on.
Christmas day.
My fourteen year-old brother gets so excited about christmas he makes himself sick. It's insane. I told him that this year he couldn't wake me up until after eight-forty-five. I need my sleep , you know.
Christmas also brings the never-ending stream of relatives. Don't get me wrong , I LOVE my family , and I'm very glad that everyone is happy and healthy and all that good stuff...but holy shit.
I cannot be related to these people! I simply CANNOT.
My grandmother on my mom's side , bless her heart , is a maniac. And a clean freak. Oh my god.
When she is here I feel like I can't even LIVE. Everything I put down she is rearranging and moving around and it gets to the point where she is practically suffocating me. She also tells me the same things like fourteen times (She'll say "Did I tell you that Jennifer is pregnant?" and then even if you say yes , she'll tell the whole story again).
My mom's dad is just....oh god.
He tells corny jokes CONSTANTLY. I mean CONSTANTLY. And when he's not doing that he's arguing about politics/controversial matters. I don't know really , my mom's parents are really great and stuff but I can't handle it for prolonged periods because they are always RIGHT THERE! IN YOUR FACE! And I love them and all but I'm sixteen and I need a little space and privacy of my own , y'know?
My grandfather likes computers and him and my dad are always messing with them and he wanted to come up and look at mine.
Thing is , he didn't ask if he could.
I don't have anything really scandalous or anything , but I leave my messanger on and the last thing I need is him talking to my friends or my friends talking to him thinking it's me. I also write a lot (fiction) and I love doing it but most of it is stuff I don't want people to read (ESPECIALLY parents/grandparents) just because there is swearing or sex or whatever and just generally stuff they won't approve of.
It stresses me out because ever since I was little I was always "the perfect child". Good grades , nice friends , sweet , kind , "All-American Girl" kind of thing. See , then I got a bit older and formed these magical things called OPINIONS. Them there things are DANGEROUS. And besides that , my friends are into a lot of stuff my parents and everybody else doesn't know about , and even if I don't do it , it's still a part of my life and they wouldn't approve even if they knew my friends did it.
I don't want to get killed/disowned/rejected/yelled at , etc , so I just kinda sit around and be quiet most of the time because my grandparents are like pressure machines.
"You should be a model!"
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"You know, nobody will marry a girl who doesn't know how to [insert household duty here]"
I just keep my mouth shut because if I said what was in my head they would slaughter me. They are so old fashioned. They think I am the antichrist because I watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
How terrible.
My dad's parents aren't so bad. They're a lot more open (and give us a lot more space). I still don't ramble on about my own thoughts in their conversations because they're much stricter with what they do believe in , and they're kinda mean.
I see a lot of myself in my dad's dad , which is weird because nobody else would say that. He doesn't say much either during family gatherings because I think he doesn't want to offend anyone.
I hate not saying anything and getting involved , but they are my family and I have to live with them for the rest of my life (or , well , the rest of theirs) and I'd really rather not get in a huge feud about my opinions because they're still all under the firm belief that I'm that goody-good sweet little girl I was when I was six.
So maybe that makes me a bit of a wuss , or a lot of one. But that's me. Someday I might just lose it and go psycho. I almost did when my grandfather was poking around on my computer.
It's practically a diary. That is MY stuff. My writing , my friends , my e-mails , and I mean , he just barges in and starts looking around for stuff.
My grandmother pokes around my room too. Looking in drawers for stuff. When I was fourteen I pretty much said "Look , you old crazy woman , stay out of my room and quit messing around with my stuff!!" I like my privacy. I like being able to write stuff or draw stuff or whatever and be able to have faith that people who aren't supposed to see it , don't see it!
But yeaaah...it was a good Christmas anyway!
I hope everyone else had a very happy holiday , whatever you may(or may not) be celebrating.
-Meekah
PS- LJ-Cut for the 2004 Survey.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?I went to Alberta , I had a bunch of job interviews , I fought with a whole ton of people...I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time on Jan. 1 , 2004!
2. Did you keep your New Year resolution and will you make more for next year? I never make any.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year!
4. Did anyone close to you die?No , but some distant (distant) relatives did. A few classmates had parents die.
5. What countries did you visit? The U.S.A. I'd really love to go to France someday/
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Honestly , I'd love to have a better grasp on myself (as a person) , the guts to just permanently ditch the people who are making me miserable , the motivation to join a gym/whatever.
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory and why? ummm....no actual DATES in particular , really.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Oh god , I don't know. Acedemically , handing in something I wrote and actually getting good comments/criticism on it that I can use. Otherwise...probably finding the guts to tell someone how much I disliked them in a very straightforward , harsh , unsugarcoated way.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not having the strength to assert myself when I really felt like I needed to. Not saying what I really mean , not helping my friends when they needed me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious...a dog dragged me into a sign , and I fainted during a biology lab.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Nothing really stands out as anything that merits mention.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Brother Cube. He knows who he is. I honestly don't know what to say other than sometimes I just don't know what I would do without him. I mean he's been there and listened through every bit of the insignificant drama shit that's been going on and he asks me the hard questions that I know I need to answer , even if we both know it hurts to know the truth. Sometimes his advice just gave me the strength and support I needed to do my thing , and sometimes he pointed out a different way to handle something I never would have thought of. So for being there and actually UNDERSTANDING , listening and caring through every minute of my stupid , insignificant whining...celebrate!
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Some of my friends , or ex-friends. People I thought I knew and could trust. People who lied. People who use me and make me feel miserable. People who treat you like shit , but then pull a guilt trip when they know you're going to blow. The girl who I cut out of my life (finally , the best thing I did all year) but still is hanging in there because some of my other friends let her use them. The guy who is just SUPER over-dramatic and is using me and lying to me all the time and acting like I am an idiot , but for some stupid , unknown reasons , I care way too much to be bitchy and heartless and mean to him , even though he deserves it. Also , my good friends who I still love and care for , but are doing really stupid , stupid things and make me wonder whether or not I REALLY know them.
14. Where did most of your money go? Blank CDs , Broadway Cast Albums from Amazon.Ca , and Tim Hortons.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Rocky Horror Picture Show , Hedwig and the Angry Inch , Calgary Stampede , getting my G1 , and writing.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2004?
Save a Horse , Ride a Cowboy
Rocky Horror Soundtrack
Hedwig Soundtrack
Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
Anything by Jeff Buckley
Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Sadder. But not really sad. More confused.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner , but not by much.
iii. Richer or poorer? Probably the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Sticking up for myself , Horseback riding , spending time with people that actually matter , being more spontaneous , meeting new people , exercise , my homework , and healthier eating.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying , procrastinating , wasting time on the "what-if's" , self-doubting , sitting on my ass , and being a wuss/idiot.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family. .
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? I wish. I'm a huge sucker for romance and all that but I'm eternally single. Well , up until this point. Can't say for the future.
23. How many one-night stands? HAHAHAHAHA. None. Duh.
24. What was your favourite TV program? Queer Eye , Survivor , Sex and the City , ReGenesis , CSI.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I can't say HATE , because that's probably too strong , I mean , at times I HATE , but I generally just dislike. But I guess you could say I do.
26. What was the best book you read? Tons. The Bell Jar , A bunch of funny cutesey teen ones , The Horse Whisperer.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Jeff Buckley , Megan Slankard , Rufus Wainwright , A bunch of soundtracks , and a slew and a half of amazingly talented broadway and theater people.
28. What did you want and get? To go to Calgary Stampede , Saw RHPS at Stage West while we were there!
29. What did you want and not get? A Cowboy romance , a good grip on myself , to be home on halloween.
30. What was your favourite film of this year? Spongebob Squarepants , HP3 , Shrek 2 , CAMP...A bunch of movies that came out before that I hadn't seen until this year (Moulin Rouge , Chicago , Bridget Jones , The Count of Monte Cristo)
31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Turned sixteen , had a bunch of friends over for one of those murder mystery things , sucked the helium out of balloons...good times.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being more comfortable with myself and who I am with. It seems like everyone else is finding themselves , and I am losing me. Scary!
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Jeans , T-shirts and hoodies. A few attempts at being "stylish".
34. What kept you sane? Brother Cube , Writing , Music , Finding distractions in other things.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Oh man!
-Johnny Depp
-Jim Caviezel (sp?)
-Alexandre Despatie
-Hugh Grant
-Raul Esparza
-Cheyenne Jackson
-Hugh Jackman
-The Queer Eye Guys
(I'll stop. But I could go on)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay Marriage.
37. Who did you miss? Nobody.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Mike (both of them) , Ben , Meaghan , All the camp people , Shelley , Jeremy and Tyler (Who I've known forvever , but it's like a re-introduction) , and definately the Stampede Cowboy.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Screw Everyone Else. This is my life and sometimes you have to do what's right for you. Nobody deserves to lie around being miserable because of someone else. Also , Lead By Example.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Another ditch in the road , you keep moving , another stop sign , keep moving on.
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