Finding out that an someone has died is kinda like having the last chapters ripped out of a book you

[rubah]

Sometimes, I start to feel that I don't care about advances in the internet and computing because there's no one I care about who I can use them with.

What is the point of seeking out an IRC program that can handle passive DCC on weird networks if I have no one to dcc files to?

What does it matter if my IM program doesn't handle video if I don't video chat with anybody?

I think part of it is not actively seeking a romantic interest. Then that makes me wonder, why can't I have friends just for friends' sake?

(for friends reading this, let's internet hang out, irl hang out, whatever. Swap files, goof off.)

I feel so lonely a lot. The old dream of "I hope someone new moves to school this year! maybe we can be best friends" just never dies. Megan (#3 for anyone still keeping count) is the best I've had, but we live so far away now. What can you do?

I think I must be a terrible friend; distant, childish, never wants to do the same things for fun.

I've got this feeling that of all the people I've met at college, perhaps two would refrain from making up some plans, or feigning disinterest should I suggest some funtime activity-- a movie, etc. They would wonder to themselves 'wtf, who is this girl?' I imagine.

It's hard to think whether this is the old "no one ever likes my ideas, so I will hope someone else suggests it, because no one will agree if I am the one who proposes it", or just "they don't really consider me more than an acquaintence".

This is why I take a pink pill every night. The few ways I know to get to know people are otherwise inaccessible because I freeze up, unable to act, too afraid.

The contexts of my life are school and the internet. What else is there? Television? It's dumbtarded. Sports? With whom may I play?
You think that school and internet would be enough in such a large school, but it turns out they're not. Geekery can be hashed and rehashed, dissintegrated into a fine powder.
"Oh, you prefer Lost and X-Box Live over integrals? I guess we're not too similar after all. . ." No longer content to fake interest, there's plenty of other fish in the pond, aren't there?

Then where are they?

I write words to a generic audience, hoping that my new best friend is out there reading them.

Comments

[roto13.livejournal.com]

Actually interacting with other human beings is such a pain in the ass.

[apri.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Rubes, I'd hang with you. If you don't mind the aging ;o) I don't even think I have IRC on my computer anymore, after I got the new one and hadn't been on the chan in forevers. I miss talking with you guys. For realz, I don't know what I would have done without all of you while I was overseas. Keep your chin up, my dear.

[carabbit.livejournal.com]

If only I wasn't like 2000 miles away!!!

Or oooh!! Online video games can be fun!

[baloki.livejournal.com]

It could be worse, you could be a furry? Or a cake? I dunno, I'd probably be a cheesecake me, you?

[pandacat.livejournal.com]

:/ I wish we could know each other in real life cos I think we would get on. I kinda feel like a lot of what you said too.

"I think I must be a terrible friend; distant, childish, never wants to do the same things for fun."

Everyone I seem to have ever known just wants to go out drinking for fun or something, none of my friends like computers or videogames. XD They even complain about having to go in those kinda shops. Now if you were my friend I know you wouldn't mind going in computer shops :D

But yeah, I feel lonely a lot too and I want people to play games with and be a geek with >:O

So yeah. You're one of the coolest people I know of on the net. I wish we were friends!

[tangerine.livejournal.com]

I just don't really have too many girlfriends in person and I regret it a lot. I wish I had some girls to spend time with and gush over boys with but it seems like I only have guy friends and it sucks! I guess I just get along better with guys.

[shifty-lynx.livejournal.com]

Dude, it is a big big world; compatible people are not found just because you turn a corner. I do think being a true normal you is a start to bonding with people you can shamelessly call friends.

The only thing I can suggest to combat loneliness is to constantly risk drawing others into conversation. The only way to become good at conversations, though, is to talk more and more!

[kujatrance.livejournal.com]

In all honesty, despite the fact that we don't know each other terribly well, I've always thought you to be funny, interesting and very easy to get along with. I agree with what Lynx said, though.

And hey, if there's a bus between Arkansas and York, then you're more than welcome to join my uni pub quiz team.